13 Reasons Why
by JadelynWoods
Summary: Beck Oliver finds out that he's one of the reasons why his crush, decided to commit suicide, he gets the suicide notes of Jade West and will understand her, he will enter into her soul, he will try at least to know why, she decided to end up with her life. 13RW/Victorious
1. Cassette 1, Side 1

**Hey guys, you know this is my second Bade fanfic, and it will be a crossover with my favorite book, though enjoy, ;) This will be narrated in Beck's point of view, though I have never worked with POVS, but let's try.**

**Remember guys that I do write all of my fanfics at 3-4am so don't judge by my grammar, I know it's bad, though I did my best**

**Cassette 1, side 1:**

It's a cold morning, on a saturday, though there's me, I'm Beck Oliver, by introducing myself? There's not much….

I'm actually really shy, I'm quiet I'm mostly the kind of guy that will keep his problems to himself, but why? Though I'm not popular at school, jerks are, actually popularity is meaningless, the school will be over, what will happen next? You will be a nobody, I'm not that kind of guy that goes to parties or get high,

I'm just normal.

I'm just done eating breakfast, though I might be going out for a walk, while I open the door I found a box, with my name on it,

Why is my name on it?

It has no sender, I just go inside, and open it, wha-what the fuck is this?

Cassettes? We are not in the 20th century, How will I be able to hear them?

I was looking through my dad's old stuff in the basement until i found it!

A tape recorder, wait those cassettes are enumerated, there are 7 cassettes, all of them have 2 sides, except for the number 7, so there are 13 recordings…. I grabbed the first and put it inside the recorder, I put the headphones on and listen to the first side,

"Hello guys, I'm back from dead, missed me much?"

She laughed, that voice….. that's Jade West, she commited suicide 3 weeks ago, her voice is charming,I have loved her since forever , but I never got the guts to tell her, I… I- I can't breathe, I'm not alright, what the actual fuck? Why do I have this?

"I don't think so… well let me explain really quick, I have been recording these tapes, if you got this cassettes, I will see you burn in hell, You got this because you are one of the reasons why I suicide…."

There was silence and then her laugh, Am I one of the reasons why she comitted suicide? I'm feeling soulless, right now, How do I explain that feeling, I do not even know what I did, her voice again, it's scary, Jade has been always popular at school, not in a really good way, everyone thought she was a slut that fucked with everyone, but I really knew her, she wasn't the person everyone talked about, She was pure, she was just destroyed by society, I could see through her soul,

"Let me explain the rules, so there are 13 reasons why, I decided to die,to those 13 people, fuck you all," you can hear her quiet sobbing,

"All of you will get the box, the first will have to send it to the next person, if any of you disobey these rules, the tapes will be out, so everyone could hear them, and your perfect reputation will be burried, just like me, though all of you guys got a map! Our town is really small, so it will be easy..."

Why am I one of the reasons? Did I really hurted her? I'm not gonna cry, though a tear of shame escapes one of my eyes, I got that map! I looked inside of my bag and found it, it has 13 red stars,

"Before we start I want all of you to know i'm an open book now, First of all I have always being realistic, i wasn't the romantic girl, I always thought love was bullshit, there are two different kinds of person, the realistic ones that see the world how it really is, and the romantic ones that are actually lost in fantasy when they fall in love, though I have never believed in love… until I met this guy, mmmm yes, I'm talking about you Ryan Smith,

We were 14 years old, till you appeared in my life, and totally changed my point of view…"

He was Jade's first kiss ,everyone knew that, they were the "it" couple, but it ended quick ,I can actually hear her smile, I can feel it,

"Well, let me tell you who you really are, Ryan. You were my very first love, how curious, We were so young!, was it even love? Mmmm… I don't think so, I wanted my very first kiss to be perfect. like completely perfect. And I can't complain about it because it was, thank you, Ryan, you really did a good job by making me happy, but why would you pretend, and lie? You never loved me, I actually slipped in the kiss, you invited me to that huge slide that's in the main park of our city, it was afternoon and you could actually see the sky , the colors a mix of orange,light- blue and dark blue, it was perfect, though the clouds were covering it, it was going to rain, you made me go up when it started raining, and I slide slowly, I ended up in your arms, with that deep kiss, underneath the rain, it was amazing, and I really won't complain about it, we were perfect for eachother, at least that was what I thought, but then, those rumours, I don't remember having sex that night, and actually never, we were 14! I was actually a kid, what were you having in mind? Telling your friends, bullshit about me? Alright, maps in hands guys, star number 1, F,5"

"Though It wasn't so easy, the stares when you walk in the classroom, though my reputation got down as soon as possible, I cried myself to sleep for days! No one wanted to talk to me! You got me depressed, You dear Ryan, how would you feel if you go inside of your classroom while having 40 pair of eyes on you... It does not feel good, though no one knew the truth!"

So he was the one who started rumours about her… when she was 14.I looked into the map and it's marked with a red star on that slip and says with her messy handwriting "Where I slipped into my first kiss,literally…" I was clenching my fists, that son of a bitch, I was going to kill him, NO ONE HURTS MY JADE! Though, too late for that, she never was my Jade, I never told her, though I remember the first time we kissed, I fell in love for her, when I met her at work, so I went to a party, just to see her, she had to tie my shoe lace, tears were falling out of my eyes,

"Though, I don't want you to feel guilty, Ryan, hey I'm dead anyway,right?"

The first side of the cassette ended, I can't move though, I'm Beck Oliver and I never had the chance of telling Jade I really loved her, now turns out I'm one of the reasons why she took that handful of pills? I close my eyes, I can't think about that! Jade lying depressed, on her bed, finally deciding that she will end up with her life,

That's an easy way to escape,

You were being coward Jade, I tried helping you, and you really pushed me away, Maybe If I had insisted you will be here, with me…

**Please review and tell me if I should keep going? :)**


	2. Cassette 1, Side 2

**YAY! I got 4 reviews on my first chapter! Thank you, well I might continue this so enjoy ;)**

I'm lying on my bed, should I listen to the second tape? What if the second one it's me? Did I hurted her that much…? Sigh, I guess I did, I decided to turn the tape and listen to the second reason….

"Hello boys and girls, so this is the second reason why I decided to die, You all know I moved here like 3 years ago, I had 13 years old and I had no one, I didn't know anybody, So the first day, my dad had the idea to go out and have some fun so I was hanging at Starbucks, you know that groovy place where you can sit and talk? Actually everyone that goes in there,It's never alone, but I went all by myself, I loved that place, I could be myself in it, I could write, and it was so peaceful until I met this beautiful girl, I have to say, she wasn't that pretty, I was prettier than her, not to sound selfish but I'm just being honest, her name was, Tori Vega, alright, everybody knows, she's a sweetheart! Save it, she used people to be perfect and social, but she's a tramp, you know E-8 on your maps! There it is! Starbucks,Never go alone in there, Your reputation will be ruined! Ha-ha! How hilarious, right? Well I became friends with Tori pretty fast! After I find out she used me I had a fight with her, Well let me explain that feeling of being used, cause of popularity, it feels disgusting, It means they have no self-respect, well have fun, with your life full of lies Tori Vega, after 2 years, when we had 15, she came to my place and apologize for what she did, and I did forgive her, I was not living with it my entire life, well we were alone, and she kissed me…. Yeah she's a lesbian, though everyone thought it was backwards, that I tried kissing her, and that i'm the lesbian, look I have no problems with being a lesbian, but I am not, she's scared of herself, so she blamed it all on me, she was scared of me telling everyone who she really is,"

I open the map, and see the red star over Starbucks, and "Never go alone in there," with red pen, god her life was fucked up, though she never showed any signs of depression, this is just the second reason, so there are eleven more? I don't think I can handle this, Tori wasn't the sweetheart everyone used to talk about?

Jadelyn August West, her life ruined by rumours caused by people who had nothing better to do with their own lifes, I remember that day, I really decided telling her I love her, I got in the first classroom, we had a lot of classes together, but she changed, she was wearing black clothes, and her hair, was dark, she had colorful extensions, she looked goth, and suddenly I was afraid of saying it! I just couldn't get the words out of my mouth, a month later, I was going to tell her, but her seat was empty,

One of the students said "I saw an ambulance right out of her house" and well…. That was the day she decided to left us,

"Well Tori, I'm now thinking that your life might be fucking hell, do not offense, but seriously ,hiding yourself and pretending to be somewhere else? , well you little friend, are fucked up, you shouldn't be afraid of who you are, at least I'm not! I'm just afraid of who everyone thinks I am! Cause of Tori! Cause of Ryan and cause of 11 more people! I hope you are proud of yourself, pretty girl, do not forget to pass them on! Or everyone will know the dirty truth!"

I thought that I really knew her, but I didn't know what was going on with her life, why do people even believe in rumours? That's pathetic, I miss Jade, I really do, I wish I could hug her tight, instead of she being all by herself when she decided to take that handful of pills!

I got inside of Starbucks and ordered a coffee, I grabbed the freedom book, though that's a tradition, anyone could write in there, maybe she writed? I remember she used to love poetry and writing stories, maybe she loved this place, because she could express herself, I grabbed the freedom book and a picture fell out of it, it's Jade, she's Jade, she's looking perfect with her natural chesnut Brown hair, wearing a blue dress, that looked awesome on her pale skin, wait are those cuts…? I see closer and yes, of course, she used to cut herself, she was broken! By society, woah, are they even humans? Hurting people that much! That makes them hate themselves even more? That makes them harm themselves? Suicide themselves? I don't wanna live in a world of fools,

How did I not notice? Why can't I just said it? And try helping her, I remember the last time I saw her, we bumped into each other, she was looking at her feet and she said sorry, and I just stared at her, I couldn't get the words out of my mouth! Not even "It's alright" and I will never have the chance to speak to her anymore, I'm angry with myself right now, It's not fair, I'm such an asshole! Turns out I'm now one of the reasons! I'm one of the fucking reasons, and i'm totally broken inside,

Just like her,

"I just have to say, I don't have a reason to be angry with god, hey! I'm the one ending with my life,right? He could have just gave me some mortal disease, but nope, it's not his fault I'm broken, I wish he could forgive me of what I will do in a few more days, and I want to say all of you that I'm sorry, some of you might say, that I'm over reacting or that i'm so conceited so I will do this just cause' i'm an attention seeker, or maybe that I have nothing better to do, you guys are wrong, you guys are already dead anyway."

**How was that? I swear to god, the next chapter will be better, this one is shit, I had no imagination today, well goodnight :)**


	3. Cassette 2, Side 1

I'm not crying myself to sleep, it's early, it's 10AM and I don't know If I should listen to the second cassette, should I? And what if that one is me? Please don't let it be, I'm scared of what she will say about me, I decide to change to the second cassette, tape number 3, the third person that will be sorry of what he/she did,

"Hello my little demons, I appreciate that you have the guts to, you know, change the cassette, though I will talk about someone, that hurted me emotionally, he's an Exchange student, and he started talking to me, on Facebook, he was the sweetest guy ever, I could say I did fall in love with him, I talked to him all day! He used to cheer me up, though he's a new student, he does not know about the rumours about me,"

I close my eyes, she's talking about Michael Bell, he's from Canada, and they used to hang a lot,

"well he ended up staying here, and attending to our school, I remember waiting all the time for his replies, or Skyping him at 3AM, though I once decided I was going to talk to him, though he was older than me, I went to his pathway and greeted him, and he made fun of me, in front of his cool friends, well I was mad at him, I really was upset, he was a total jerk! Maybe he was ashamed of me because I'm a kid still? HA! He's such a fool, he messaged me that day apologising, you know what I did? I laughed at his message, the next day, I went to school and he totally ran into me on purpose and kissed me, I of course had the same feelings, I loved him! How hilarious, I loved someone! Well… he took advantage of that, he was my little bestfriend, or do i say boyfriend? Until He find out about the nasty rumours about me, he kept staring at me like I was something to eat!"

I clench my fists, that guy, it's an asshole, I swear to god, I'm going to kick his ass off, though If she says she ever was abused by him, he's already dead.

"Well he took me to Victoria's Secret and made me try on some lingerie, and he bought it for me, but why? Excuse me Darling but I'm not going to lose my virginity with some dickhead like him, he was acting totally different! He treated me like a porn star, without the smacks,of course! But he used to grab my tits, and I never allowed him to do that! He started stripping, I remember that night perfecty, I just couldn't give him what he wanted, nope, of course not, I left him, I cried a lot, because I still had those feelings for him! Though he never did, he just used me to play a little bit when he was bored, that was it! HA!"

I need to calm down, seriously, I start throwing everything around me and bend down on my knees, I let it out, that pitched scream and that soft cry, why couldn't I just helped her?

"Well after that, he stopped talking to me, he ignored at me, I used to be like his bestfriend when he had NO ONE! And I'm just another student, well I got tired of him ignoring me! I told him everything i had in my mind, and you know what was his response? That he's dating someone! My heart was broken, after everything he did, I still loved him! And after that I just got tired, of it, he just couldn't met this older girl and date her just because she sucked his dick while they were on the movies, I was totally jealous, and mad, I couldn't give him what he wanted, and now he does not want me at all, he changed a lot, I told him after a couple of months, that I was still falling in love for him and you know what he said? , well he said I wasn't enough for him, yup…. That guy it's an asshole, I'm talking about you ,Michael, well thank you a lot, that was the cherry on top, I just had like 14, you were 17, and you hurted me, you broke my heart, that pain, it felt like a stab on the back, after all that we were friends, and remember I was the only one for you when you were depressed cause you missed home! When you had no friends just those assholes, that you call "friends" well , you're welcome Michael, and thanks for giving me a third reason to kill myself, I really needed reasons!

Check on the map 4B! Yup that's Michael's house, when we had his fun night and I escaped, "

I start drying my tears, and punched my bed, I run out of home and walk to his house, and wait for him to open, he opens and I just punched him in the eyes,

"YOU ARE FUCKING ASSHOLE! YOU HURTED MY JADE!" I said through tears, though he's already sore, someone who got the tapes first may have hitted him too, he starts crying in front of me,

"I really desserve that," he says whispering,

He must be feel fucking guilty just as Tori and Ryan, now I remember the 3 of them were acting weird at school,

I can't stand seeing his face I just punched him again until he's on the floor, though I have never gotten in a fist fight, but he doesn't fight back, he just cries, I walk to my house, and putt he headphones back on,

"Well, let me tell you Mike, that right second you told me I wasn't enough for you, I felt soulless, again…. Yes, though I can't say no one would care if I die, I still have my parents, they love me so much, and I do too, but I'm not worth it, can I just please beg to all of you to not tell my parents about this tape? I want them, to know that I'm happy, maybe I have someone that cares about me too, he's on the tapes too, Sending you a huge kiss to you Michael! For making me feel loved, at least it felt real for me,"

My heart is beating fast, maybe she knew that i cared about her! Maybe that someone is me,right? I miss her,


End file.
